To spill or not to spill, that is the question
First published October 1 2012
I am by nature a very enthusiastic person. Occasionally very short-tempered too, but mostly just very enthusiastic. So every time I get an audition, or sometimes even the prospect of a really cool audition, I get excited and daydreamy and immediately tell everyone and their distant Facebook friend about it.
I told everyone about every single one of my agent meetings, I told everyone about my recent McDonalds audition, my pilot audition, even my screenplay…
Last weekend I got my first audition for an American production. Not just any production, a legit, award nominated production. And for the first time I started thinking: maybe I shouldn’t tell everyone anymore…
We spend too much time living in the what if and need to learn to live in the what is….
Now I just broke that rule already by telling you about the American audition, but I need it to illustrate my point. Actually I don’t, but it’s my very first self-taped, agent submitted, American audition, so how can I not tell?
But the thing with auditions is of course that most of the time they don’t work out. And then you have to tell everyone about that too. And aside from that being annoying on itself, it just makes it hard for people to understand. Non-entertainment industry people that is. You have to explain that rejection is totally cool and part of the business and Emma Stone got rejected a million times and it’s just a challenge to do that without sounding defensive and delusional.
Sometimes I think telling everyone about auditions is a newbie symptom.
As a newbie every audition still excites you and hence makes you spill the beans. This very interesting post on audition folk only adds to that thought. I really recognize the scenarios described there, especially after having gone to auditions in LA; the overly smiling, starry eyed newbies (myself included), the bitter bitches/assholes
However, I’ve been auditioning for years now. Yup, years. And I still get excited. Because either way, I get to play! I get to act, which is what I love doing so much.
I have become more relaxed though.
Less overly smiley, more confident…even though I haven’t yet transitioned to a “worker” like described in the article.
I’ve actually pondered a lot on this newfound inner piece that I never – ever – felt before in this situation.
Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove
Usually when I’m not working and have no projects lined up I get very frustrated, sad and angry. Even more so when I don’t have my own house nor an income.
Last February when I came back from LA and filming for my TV show ended I had all these things – or rather didn’t have them – and I was a big mess.
But right now I’m back at the exact same place. Technically a loser; again without an acting job, house, income… even without the relationship that I did have last time. Yet I am fine. Happy even.
Maybe it’s because I have several things going on right now: the O1B visa process, several cool auditions, my own screenwriting… But even right after I came back to Holland a month ago and had none of these things I felt different. I did turn 24, so perhaps I’m finally getting older and wiser. But maybe it’s just the realization that it’s out of my control.
When I’ve done everything I could and there’s nothing left to do, there’s really no point in worrying…
So I just jog and illustrate and write and drink champagne instead. And opportunities did come. And I still get excited about them. But I’m starting to spill the beans about them less and less.
I think next time I’ll just wait for some real news, for a bird finally in the hand….
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